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Winds of Change

September 22, 2008

It’s funny to me that less than a month ago I wrote about my contentment and how for the first time I didn’t have a desire to redefine myself.  Somehow four weeks has made me reverse my way of thinking.  I want a fresh start.  I want change.  I want more opportunities to grow.

And yet in some ways my desires are just expansions of the goals I’ve been able to accomplish in the last year.  I wanted to grow as a person.  To me, that meant becoming a people person.  Be social, be thoughtful, be charitable.  Meet new people.  Be a good friend.  Find good friends.

Happily, I think I was able to do that, or at least successfully start.  And the experiment worked.  I love it.  I love being social.  I love meeting people.  I love helping people in whatever way I can.  And because of this great discovery, life is great.  It’s never been better.  I’ve never been happier.

But I want to do even more.  I want to be the outgoing one, not just the person who’s just discovering how great it is to be outgoing.  I want charity to come naturally, and for people to expect kindness from me.  I want friends who inspire me and who I can inspire.

Is it possible to change around people who already know you as you are, but not necessarily how you want to become?  Does a lack of variety in associations prevent growth because of complacency?  Do pre-conceived notions people have about me delay or even prevent attainment of potential?

For the first time, I don’t think I’m holding myself back.  I’ve got a vision, and I’ve got the drive to change.  I can’t help but think I need to be surrounded by people who have the same vision – for themselves and for me.

So now the question becomes what to change.  My thoughts range from a new ward to a mission and career change.  And in between those extremes lie an infinite number of options.  What is right?  What is best?  I just don’t know.

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