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Election Day

November 4, 2008

I must confess, I haven’t done as much research as I should have prior to this election.  After work, I’m headed off to the polls.  I know what my vote will be for el Presidente and the gubernatorial office, and based on early research I’m pretty sure about most of the other major candidates.  But am I sure?  Umm, no.

So, I’ve been doing some internet research on my options.  Most candidates have platforms that are so vague you can rarely tell the difference between Republicans and Democrats and the other parties are so extreme you rarely find a sane candidate.  (It’s a shame, in principle I’m Libertarian.  But I’m not a fan of Totally Awesome crazies.)  So I’m falling back on an analysis of (lack of) intelligence based on grammatical errors.  The discoveries I’ve made are, from one perspective, hilarious, and from another perspective, saddening.

Allow me to give a few examples:

Bob Springmeyer, running for Governor under the Democratic ticket.  Yes, it’s Utah.  His popularity probably isn’t great.  Super Dale may actually be a larger contender than him giving his local celebrity (train wreck) status.  However, you’d think there would be a few people who care enough to keep a hacker from posting random comments on this guys’ issues page.

While describing public education in Utah, there’s a paragraph that reads:

Despite an increase in public education spending (+16%) for FY 2008, Utah’s spending on public education has not meet growth requirements and lags significantly behind the rest of the country. I THOUGHT YOU SAID IN THE DEBATE THAT PUBLIC EDUCATION SPENDING HAD INCREASED LESS THAN 1%

I’m pretty sure the ALL CAPS is not a comment from Bob.  There are a few more cases, but this illustrates enough.

Next race, U.S. House.  Yes, Matheson, a Democrat, is the incumbent.  I don’t agree with all his policies.  Could I support his opposition?

Upon further investigation, I’m forced to conclude no.  Why?

First, poorly constructed run-on sentences used to describe Utah’s primary problems:

I will end the ban on offshore drilling where the oil is found, not so far offshore that it cannot be reached; I will protect our borders by removing obstacles to a border fence; I will provide leadership on the economy consistently, not in the week that a crisis hits our nation; I will not fund Planned Parenthood or international abortions; and I will support our troops by giving them the resources they need to succeed now, when they need it, not when a timeline for surrender has been enacted.

Second, insincere emphatic opinions.  In just a few pages, the words “horrified,” “appalled,” “abhor,” and “outrageous” were used to describe current policies. Really?  Do these issues make you ill?  Do you lose sleep at night worrying about your potential constituents? It’s fine if you don’t, but don’t imply such emotions with your word usage.

Third, this priceless quote:

Higher gas prices are hitting all Utahans hard, but rural Utahans hardest.

Yes, technically this is the correct spelling.  But I’m all about power to the people.  Google shows 120,000 hits for “Utahn” and only 17,900 for “Utahan.”  It’s time for a change and elimination of antiquated spelling that resembles word stuttering.

I’m sure there’s much more hilarity to go around but I’m off to the polls to fulfill my civic duty.  God bless America, it’s severely needed.

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